Choice theory

These basic needs are:


(a) the need to survive,

(b) the need to belong,
(c) the need to gain power,

(d) the need to be free,
and
 (e) the need to have fun.

The ways in which we fulfill psychological needs can be summarized as follows:


1. We fulfill the need to belong by loving, sharing, and cooperating with others.

2. We fulfill the need for power by achieving, accomplishing, and being recognized and respected.

3. We fulfill the need for freedom by making choices in our lives.

4. We fulfill the need for fun by laughing and playing.


 To satisfy needs, people must be able to sense what is going on both around them and within them, and then be able to act on that information. When we sense a discrepancy between what we have and what we want, we behave by acting upon the world and upon ourselves as a part of the world. If we examine this behavior, it may seem to be composed of four different behaviors, but these are actually four components of what is always a total behavior.
These four components, which always occur synchronously, are as follows:

1. Doing (e.g., walking, talking)
2. Thinking (e.g., reasoning, fantasizing)
3. Feeling (e.g., angering, depressing)
4. Physiology (e.g., sweating, headaching)

By recognizing that the feeling component is just one of four that make up total behavior, people can be more in control of their lives.

When people begin to think in terms of total behaviors, they can see that they choose these behaviors and have the option to change them. The most direct way to change a total behavior is to change the behavior's doing and thinking components. We have almost total control over the doing component of behavior and some control over the thinking component; we have less control over the feeling component and very little control over physiological phenomena. Behavior in its totality ultimately gives us control over all components. When we change what we are doing, we will notice that our thoughts, feelings, and physiological responses change as well.

“Because we always have control over the doing component of our behavior, if we markedly change that component, we cannot avoid changing the thinking, feeling, and physiological components as well. The more we get involved in an active doing behavior that is markedly different from what we were doing when choosing a misery, like depressing or headaching, the more we will also change what we think, feel, and experience from our bodies. And if what we do gives us greater control, it will be accompanied by better feelings, more pleasant thoughts, and greater physical comfort.’ (p. 51, Control Theory, by William Glasser, MD)

The message is that, because people always have control over the doing component of behavior, if they change that component, they cannot avoid changing the thinking, feeling, and physiological components as well. A choice of action that results in greater control will be accompanied by better feelings, more pleasant thoughts, and greater physical comfort. To get their needs met effectively, people must realize that they always have control over the doing component and can choose to do something more effective than being miserable.
www.choicetheory.com/
retrieved on the 3rd of April 2007

Adlerian Principles of Parent Education

• Mutual respect

• Encouragement

• Feelings of "security"

• Reward and punishment are ineffective.

• Natural consequences are the direct result of the child's behaviour, i.e. Tommy refuses to wear a coat while it is raining: he will get wet.

• Logical consequences are established by the parents, and are a direct and logical--not arbitrarily imposed -- consequence of the behaviour, i.e. Helen doesn't want to eat her lunch: she will be hungry until teatime.

• Acting instead of talking

• Don't interfere in children's fights.

• Take time for teaching the child essential skills and habits. Don't attempt this in a moment of conflict or in company. The parent who "does not have time" for such teaching will have to spend more time correcting an untrained child.

• Never do for a child what he can do for himself.

• Overprotection pushes a child down.
• Over-responsible parents often produce irresponsible children.
• Distinguish between positive and negative attention
• Understand the child's goal.
• The four goals of misbehaviour…

• Attention-getting • Power • Revenge • Display of assumed inadequacy
If your first impulse is to react in one of these four ways, you can be fairly sure you have discovered the goal of the child's misbehaviour.

• Minimize mistakes

• A Family Meeting once a week or so, can give every member of the family a chance to express certain issues and discuss what can be done about them. The emphasis should be on "What we can do about the situation."

• Have fun together…

retrieved from the net 2.04.07


http://www.adleriansociety.co.uk/phdi/p3.nsf/supppages/0939?opendocument&part=7

Rudolf Dreikurs

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live, to love and be loved.